It's not the trigger: Why we relapse in sobriety.
Here’s a list of common ‘reasons’ I hear for people to hit the f’ it button on their sober journey:
Too stressed.
It was your birthday.
Someone upset you.
Someone didn't support you.
The dog was sick.
Mercury was in retrograde.
I know they all sound pretty reasonable, but that’s not the real reason why.
You quit because of what your brain made all of that mean.
Because your brain — clever as it is — is a meaning-making machine.
Constantly telling stories.
Constantly trying to protect you.
And it’s often dead wrong.
I’ve seen it over and over again — in my own journey, and in the smart, amazing clients I coach.
Something happens, life throws a wobble, and the mind kicks in with what sounds like an 80’s mix tape of greatest hits:
“See? You can’t do this.”
“Everyone else has managed to stop because it's easier for them.”
“This proves you’re not meant to be sober.”
And boom.
You’re not quitting because it’s hard.
You’re quitting because you believe that wee voice.
Life doesn’t stop being life just because you’re not drinking.
There will still be stress, emotions, people who push your buttons, awkward social invites, and moments where you feel bored or lonely or fed up.
That’s not failure.
That’s called being a human.
But if your brain has decided those things are evidence you’re not strong enough, or that alcohol is the answer, then guess what?
You’ll be halfway to pouring before you even know it.
It’s not even the event itself — it’s the meaning you attach to it.
And the good news? That meaning isn’t fixed. You can choose something new.
So if your brain wants to tell stories, give it some better material.
Instead of “I failed again,” try:
“I’m learning how to stay with myself, even when it’s messy.”
Instead of “This is proof I’m not cut out for this,” try:
“This is proof I’m showing up and doing something brave.”
Instead of “Everyone else is doing better,” try:
“No one’s walking my path but me — and I’m proud of that.”
Here’s something to ask yourself today:
What story is your brain spinning that it’s time to rewrite?
Is it even true?
Or is it just familiar?
If your brain’s been playing tricks on you lately, convincing you that you’re the only one who finds this hard…
You’re not.
You’re just human.
And you’re in very good company.
Join The Bright Side of Sobriety private Facebook Group for a warm hug and a gentle kick up the bum.
You’re very welcome to join if you’re done pretending everything’s fine, ready to chat about what’s really going on and want to have conversations about what it takes to feel good, strong and sober.
Ready to dive in?
If you’re ready for a deeper kind of support, I offer powerful 1:1 coaching sessions fully focused on your total well-being. No fluff—just real support, tailored to YOU.
📝 Disclaimer:
The content on this blog is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I am an Accredited Sober Coach, Nutrition Coach and Life Coach, but I am not a medical professional. If you are concerned about your health, mental wellbeing, or alcohol use, please speak with your GP or a qualified healthcare provider.
