Fear of Failure & Moderation
Let go of the idea that you can get rid of fear.
You can’t — and you really wouldn’t want to.
Fear Isn't The Enemy - It's a Survival Response
What fear is really trying to protect you from.
Fear is a primary emotion, wired into every one of us.
And it has a very important role — it’s here to protect you.
But the same system that keeps you safe… can also keep you stuck.
If you’ve ever said, “I know that I should stop — so why do I keep drinking?”, fear is likely running the show.
Why Naming Emotions Helps Calm Your Brain
Emotions are not life threatening, even when they can literally feel like it.
Research shows that naming them — “I’m scared. I’m anxious. I’m disappointed.” — literally calms the fear centre of the brain.
(It’s called affect labelling.)
Fear of failure often shows up right before a breakthrough.
You’re about to change something big, and your brain goes:
“Hang on a minute — what if this doesn’t work? What if I mess it up again?”
That’s your threat-response system firing up to keep you safe from danger, even when the “danger” is just emotional, not physical.
Fear of Failure Fuels the Moderation Trap
Why "I'll just cut back" keeps you stuck.
Here’s where it gets a wee bit sneaky — that same fear often hides behind the idea of moderation.
You tell yourself:
“I’ll just cut back.”
“I’ll only drink at weekends.”
“I’ll be good during the week.”
I know, this sounds completely reasonable at the time.
But underneath, moderation is your brain whispering:
“Let’s not risk cocking this up completely — let’s keep one foot in the safe zone.”
Psychologists call this avoidance coping — doing just enough to feel safe, but not enough to create change.
Moderation protects you from the disappointment of failure, embarrassment, or that gut-punch of “I couldn’t do it.”
It gives the illusion of control — but it keeps you stuck in a vicious loop.
Because as long as fear’s in charge, you’ll always choose what’s familiar over what’s freeing.
(If we’ve worked together, you’ll know I like to call this ‘The Land of Misery’...)
Self-Talk: Who’s doing the talking.
For most of us, fear has been the dominant wee voice we’ve been listening to for years.
It’s been narrating your story.
“I can’t do it.”
“I’ll just fail again.”
“What’s the point?”
That voice gets louder every time you think about change — and then resistance jumps in to back it up.
Change Your Inner Dialogue — Don’t Let Fear Run the Show
Spot the difference between fear, resistance and courage.
Fear:
“What if I fail?”
Resistance:
“Let’s not even try.”
Courage:
“Let’s find out what’s really possible for me.”
What you'd tell a friend who feels scared to stop drinking.
You’d never tell her to give up — you’d say, “You’ve got this.”
Say that to yourself, too.
Build Self-Belief — The Real Antidote to Fear
Why small consistent actions rewire your brain.
Trying to conjure up more willpower is not how to deal with fear.
You need to build a body of evidence to prove you can handle it.
Every small, consistent action — every evening you deal with a craving, every time you pause instead of pour — builds proof that you can handle it.
From Fear To Freedom - Learn How To Handle Discomfort
What happens in your brain when you stop escaping fear.
Psychologist Albert Bandura called this self-efficacy — the belief in your ability to cope.
It’s one of the strongest predictors of lasting behaviour change.
Each time you stay with discomfort instead of escaping it, you’re literally rewiring your brain.
The reward system that once associated alcohol with relief begins to reset — new neural pathways form, linking calm and pride to not drinking, instead of relief and regret to drinking.
That’s not just motivational fluff. It’s neuroscience.
Fear doesn’t disappear — but your response to it changes.
Your tolerance for discomfort grows.
Your confidence grows.
Ask yourself:
How does fear make me act or not act?
How’s that helping me?
How’s that keeping me stuck?
Choose actions based on what’s important to you, not what you fear.
You don’t need fear to vanish — you just need to believe you can handle it.
Research shows that the more you believe you can cope with discomfort, the less likely you are to relapse or revert to old habits.
And that’s how you start living lighter, clearer, and more in control.
Try This — Journal Prompts to Uncover What Fear’s Really Saying
Grab your journal and finish these prompts:
“Moderation seems like a good idea because…”
“When I choose courage instead of comfort, I feel…”
“Proof I’ve already handled discomfort before is…”
Try to write without editing yourself.
You’ll be amazed how much truth pours out when you face your fears — and call it what it really is: a sign that you’re about to experience a beautiful breakthrough.
"Ready to dive in?"
If you’re ready for a deeper kind of support, I offer powerful 1:1 coaching sessions fully focused on your total well-being. No fluff—just real support, tailored to YOU.
📝 Disclaimer:
The content on this blog is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I am an Accredited Sober Coach, Nutrition Coach and Life Coach, but I am not a medical professional. If you are concerned about your health, mental wellbeing, or alcohol use, please speak with your GP or a qualified healthcare provider.
