Blame Feels Safe, But It'll Keep You Stuck.
I see this a lot—in my clients and yes...in myself too.
You tell yourself stories like:
“It’s just harder for me.”
“They don’t understand what I’m dealing with.”
“If only they’d behave differently, I’d be able to cope better.”
And look, those stories aren’t always untrue.
Sometimes life really is awful.
People do let you down.
You probably are carrying more than most.
But when you wallow in that mindset, you end up giving your power away.
You wait for someone else to change before you can move forward.
You let your circumstances decide how you feel—day after day after day.
And you deserve better than that.
“Is This Thought Even True?”
(AKA the Question That Pissed Me Off, And Changed Everything for Me)
When I first practiced The Work by Byron Katie, I initially rolled my eyes. 🙄
She encourages us to ask ourselves:
“Is this thought true?”
“Who would I be without this thought?”
I mean, come on. 😠
I knew my thoughts were true.
I’d gone over them in my head hundreds of times.
I had evidence. Case closed.
But when I really sat with those questions—when I stopped defending my thoughts and actually questioned them?
That’s when things shifted.
Because sometimes it’s not the situation that’s causing the pain—it’s the story you’re telling yourself about it.
And once you start noticing those stories, you can choose different ones.
You get to loosen your grip on the old stuff.
You get to stop spiralling.
You get to show up with a bit more clarity—and a lot more self-trust.
Self-Coaching Questions to Break the Blame Loop
Blame can be sneaky.
You’ll often find it hiding behind feeling stuck, low or powerless.
Here are three simple (but punchy) questions to help you catch it in the act—and shift out of it:
1. “What am I waiting for someone else to do… before I let myself feel better?”
This question cuts right through the noise.
Are you waiting for someone to say sorry? To show up differently? To finally “get it”?
And what are you putting on hold until they do?
Hint: If your peace, confidence or next step depends on someone else's behaviour—you’re stuck in a holding pattern that you can interrupt.
2. “What story am I telling myself about this—and is it actually helping?”
Blame often shows up in the form of a story:
“They never listen.”
“I’m always the one who has to…”
“I can’t change unless...”
You don’t have to shame yourself for having these thoughts—but you can start questioning them.
Because if the story is keeping you stuck, small, or stressed—it might be time for a rewrite.
3. “What’s one thing I can take responsibility for today?”
Not everything. Not all at once.
Just one thing.
Maybe it’s how you respond.
Maybe it’s setting a boundary.
Maybe it’s choosing not to spiral.
This is the part that brings you back to your power.
The part where you stop waiting—and start moving.
So… What Now?
Here are 4 things I’d love you to take from reading this today:
Stop waiting for someone else to change.
Stop believing every thought your brain throws at you.
Start asking yourself better questions.
And take one small, honest step in the direction of what you actually want.
📥 Need help with that first step?
Download The 5 Step Alcohol-Free Reset — it’s packed with real tools, no fluff, and it’s yours for free.
Because the only thing more uncomfortable than changing…
…is staying stuck and wondering what if.
"Ready to dive deeper?"
If you’re ready for a deeper kind of support, I offer powerful 1:1 coaching sessions fully focused on your total well-being. No fluff—just real support, tailored to YOU.
📝 Disclaimer:
The content on this blog is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. I am an Accredited Sober Coach, Certified Nutrition Coach and Life Coach, but I am not a medical professional. If you are concerned about your health, mental wellbeing, or alcohol use, please speak with your GP or a qualified healthcare provider.
